Exhibitionist
by kmf
Summary: And just how in the hell did you get him to agree to have straws shoved up his nose and Plaster of Paris smeared over his face without telling him it was for a wax work...or do I really not want to know' he asked, wondering just how kinky Heero and Rele


Exhibitionist  
  
by kmf  
  
My second response to Smarty Cat's fan fic challenge (I needed a release from all the angst of the last one ^_~) and also in honour of Angel Love's birthday - Happy Birthday hon!  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Warning: Fluff  
  
"Its a great honour, you know," Relena's voice was muffled as she stood half in, half out of her wardrobe sorting through her designer clothes searching for the outfit that would be just right. "Very few people have Madame Tussaud's cast their likeness whilst they are alive."  
  
Duo made some non-committal noises as he sat, slumped on her bed wondering just why in the hell it was taking her so long to find an outfit she was satisfied with. Being her bodyguard could be so darn boring, especially when the threat of abduction, assassination and insurrection seemed to be a thing of the past. He raised an eyebrow as Relena emerged frowning, her face flushed from the stuffiness of the closet, her hair mussed, and her lips pressed into a frustrated line.  
  
She stared into nothingness for a moment or two, then spun around to open a second closet. Duo rolled his eyes as she started tossing dresses over her shoulder. The clothes started to pile up on the floor in her effort to find the perfect dress.  
  
"Yeah, well, I suppose it is an honour," he said, yawning and throwing himself back on the bed, wincing a little as his braid got trapped beneath his body pulling on his scalp, "but surely any dress will do. I just sent some old clothes that I didn't want anymore."  
  
A snort of laughter came from Relena, her posterior and legs now the only thing visible about her as she bent over. Duo grinned as her skirt rode up a little revealing her firm creamy thighs, then he looked away quickly. If either Hilde or Heero discovered that he was checking the princess out, he would be in for a beating from the both of them.  
  
"You might have sent some old clothes, but Hilde sent that nice black jump- suit you used to wear all the time during the war," Relena's said, standing up and backing out of the closet, her hands once again on her hips.  
  
Duo's mouth dropped open.  
  
"What! My shinigami suit!" he said sitting up, his voice pained and disbelieving, "I love that suit, how could she give it away!" He pouted at Relena as she turned to look at him with a smile on her face.  
  
"Duo, I have it on good authority that it was too small for you to wear anymore," she patted her still flat stomach, looking pointedly down at Duo's which had increased a little in girth over the years due to Hilde's excellent cooking and one or two beers.  
  
Duo looked hurt as he rubbed his stomach. "Its not that bad," he said, turning his profile to one of her many mirrors, sucking his gut in and grinning at his reflection.  
  
"And just think; you will be immortalised forever in all your youthful splendour," Relena continued, "Generations of people will come and see the you and remember you as the Shinigami." She grinned as Duo let out his breath, stomach relaxing, his face brightening at the thought. "I thought that would appeal to the exhibitionist in you!"  
  
Relena turned back to the wardrobe, her hands running through her hair. "Now, if I could just find that bloody dress!" she muttered, kicking discarded clothes out of her way.  
  
Duo raised an eyebrow at Relena's language; it was probably the first time he had ever heard a swear word slip from her mouth. He sat back down on the bed.  
  
"So, tell me how you convinced Heero to have a cast of his face done for his waxwork," he asked, watching with interest as Relena froze, then turned to look at him with a look of guilt on her face.  
  
"Well...." she hesitated, "Actually, he doesn't know that it was for a waxwork."  
  
Duo perked up; this was getting interesting.  
  
"And just how in the hell did you get him to agree to have straws shoved up his nose and Plaster of Paris smeared over his face without telling him it was for a wax work?"  
  
She flushed. Duo's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline.  
  
"...or do I really not want to know?" he asked, wondering just how kinky Heero and Relena's relationship was.  
  
"Une told him it was for a new high-tech infiltration suit," Relena said quickly, seeing where Duo's thoughts were going and clearly embarrassed by them. "Same with Wufei."  
  
Duo felt disappointment at the reply, "Man, they are going to be pissed when they find out!" he said.  
  
Relena bit her lip. "It isn't as if they are going to be named in the exhibit. Tussauds are going to have a sign saying that your figures are artists impressions, using my current staff as models."  
  
Duo grinned, "As I said, they are going to be pissed."  
  
Relena frowned and turned back to the wardrobe. She suddenly gave a cry of triumph, and pulled a swath of blue fabric from a shelf, shaking it out and holding it up in front of her.  
  
"Found it!" she declared, her eyes sparkling in self-congratulation.  
  
Duo frowned at the dress. It was plain and short and seemed to be a little ragged at the bottom. "Is that...?" he trailed off.  
  
She closed her eyes, hugging the material closer to her, "Its my party dress," she opened her eyes and grinned at Duo, "You know, I was wearing this the first time I met you."  
  
Duo nodded, "I remember. Heero was trying to kill you, I recall."  
  
Relena grinned.  
  
"Oh, he was forever trying to kill me," she shrugged as if it was nothing at all, "I tore the hem to bind Heero wounds - you remember you shot him, don't you?" She grinned at Duo, who chose to ignore the remark, "Because I tore it I couldn't wear it to the big party, I had to wear my school uniform instead. But that didn't matter, really, because I pretended that I was wearing this dress," her eyes went dreamy. "You know it was a special night for me because we danced. He held me in his arms and danced with me...and threatened to kill me which was acceptable because by then I agreed with his cause...then danced with me some more," she grinned at Duo's sceptical look. "I found out then what it felt like to be held by him, and I liked it. A lot. You know, its the only time we have ever danced," she trailed off, looking sad.  
  
"The only time you danced?" he questioned, his face suddenly serious, "But I thought..." he trailed off, his face flushing a little.  
  
"You thought we were a couple," Relena finished for him, sitting beside him on the bed. "Keeping our relationship quiet to protect it from the press," she sighed, tilting her head and resting it on her bodyguard's shoulder, "I only wish that were true. No, we are only friends...if you could call it friendship."  
  
"He is a little dim when it comes to relationships," Duo put his arm around Relena's waist giving her a squeeze and grinning as she nodded in agreement with him. "He probably is waiting for something like written orders or instructions before making his move on you."  
  
Relena laughed out loud, extracting herself from Duo's embrace, and began folding the dress. "Yeah, right," she said before pinching her nose and saying in a deep voice, "Your mission, should you accept it, is to bonk Relena Darlian until she falls unconscious from the pleasure of it all!"  
  
Duo's eyebrows disappeared once more into his fringe.  
  
"Probably a little bit more information than I needed to know," he smirked at her embarrassed blush.  
  
Relena finished folding the dress, placing it in a small box waiting to be dispatched to the waxwork museum, patting the material fondly before closing the lid. Duo, watching her, began to get a dreamy expression on his face. Perhaps he wasn't far wrong on Heero needing a little help in realising he and Relena were made for each other. Not necessarily orders or instructions, but perhaps audiovisuals were called for.  
  
Relena, intent on packing her dress, completely missed the sudden wicked grin that graced Duo's face. And perhaps, for the sake of her emotional sanity, it was just as well she did.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
The mission parameters were simple. Break into Tussauds, locate the pertinent exhibit, dress the two targets appropriately and place them in an embrace that would give even the completely dense Yuy a clue as to what he ought to be doing to the Minister.  
  
Duo had arrived at his destination in the early hours of the morning, with a small brown paper bag containing certain items with which to dress his victims. He was sure that Hilde would not miss the black see through lace corset, matching thong and lace pull up stockings he had stolen from her drawer. After she had many such garments and he always thought she looked better in red than black.  
  
A lecherous grin graced his face. And he was more than a little interested in seeing what Relena looked like in black lace. He just hoped that her waxwork figure was anatomically correct.  
  
From his own bottom drawer he had brought a thong, the waistband of which was made from stretchy fake fur. It had been one of Hilde's first valentine's gifts to him and as much as he treasured it, he was prepared to sacrifice it for the cause. Besides, for some reason the waistband had become a little tight of late.  
  
Breaking into the building proved ridiculously easy, after all a waxwork museum wasn't exactly a priority for any potential thief and so security was light. However, as he started trotting through the dark rooms searching for the new exhibit hall, he discovered another reason why people did not break in.  
  
It was damn scary.  
  
Duo had faced many dangers in his life, he had proven his bravery time and time again. Yet, walking through the dark rooms populated with shadowy figures illuminated only by the dim glow of his torch scared the pants off him. For a moment or two he contemplated getting the hell out of there, mission be damned. But then he thought of Relena, her eyes sad and lonely as she remembered the simple pleasure of having a dance with Heero and he once again found his resolve. He would not, could not let her down.  
  
And, of course, there was the added bonus of seeing her in the black see through lace.  
  
He found the room soon after his crisis of confidence and breathed a sigh of relief that he had not mistakenly wandered into the Chamber of Horrors. Balancing his torch upright on the ground so that the beam shone up to the ceiling, he glanced at the figures before him.  
  
Relena stood dressed in her blue party dress, the ripped section cleverly mended by some talented Tussauds' seam mistress. Her hands, encased in long white gloves, were folded in front of her in a demur pose, her hair was neatly combed and sat flowing over her shoulders. Her eyes stared at him, her mouth pulled into a small smile.  
  
The likeness between the figure and Relena was uncanny. He stood staring at her chest for a full minute waiting for her to breathe, before he accepted that she was, essentially, a big doll. He moved closer and touched the figures skin, shuddering a little at the coolness of the wax under his fingertips.  
  
Glancing around he saw that all the pilots were also represented; the five of them flanking Relena. All of them looked young, much younger than they were now. He was looking into the past, a snapshot of what they all looked like when they were teenagers. It then he realised that Relena was correct; not many would equate the youths in front of him with the adults they had become.  
  
He stepped nearer to his own image, which was grinning cheekily back at him. He winked at himself.  
  
"Damn, you always have been one fine looking specimen," he whispered, eyeing himself up and down. He looked at his images stomach, then looked down at his own slightly bulging tummy, before shrugging and moving away.  
  
Heero Yuy stood closest to Relena, his blue eyes piercing and his hair messy. He was dressed in the lycra pants and green singlet that he so favoured during the war. Duo smirked.  
  
"And just were the hell did Relena find those?" he thought aloud, moving closer to the figure, looking it up and down.  
  
He frowned, eyeing up Heero's pants wondering just how anatomically correct his lower regions were, then he grinned. Perhaps now was a good time to find out just which of them was the bigger man. He reached down, his hand touching the Heero's waistband.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?"  
  
Duo almost screamed in fright as the Heero figure suddenly came to life, its hand lifting and shoving Duo's shoulder so that he stumbled backwards, falling onto his arse.  
  
"Fuck!" Duo swore, his hand clutching his heart trying to stop it racing, his breathing erotic as adrenaline flowed through his system. "Damn it Yuy!" he growled getting back to his feet, "You damn near gave me a heart attack! What the hell are you playing at?"  
  
Heero bent and picked up the bag that Duo had dropped, his hand pulling out the silken items Duo had brought along to aid his mission, his eyes narrowing as he noted the black lace stockings.  
  
"My line, I think," Heero grated, his nose wrinkling as he picked out Duo's thong with his thumb and forefinger, shaking the item a little. "What are you doing here with these?" he dropped the underwear back in the bag and glared at Duo.  
  
Duo felt sweat begin to run down the side of his face as he grasped for any reply that would not result in Heero pounding the living daylights out of him. "I'm on a mission," he said finally said, placing his hands on his hips trying to glare Heero down, "and I want to know just where in the hell is the waxwork of pilot 01?"  
  
It was Heero's turn to look shifty. He glanced over to the side of the room. Duo, following his glance, could just make out the shape of a body lying prone on the floor.  
  
"The developmental team fell about laughing when I asked them where my stealth helmet was. I was...disappointed," Heero admitted.  
  
"So you came here to take it out on your effigy?" Duo frowned, deciding that it was in his own interests to pursue the moral high ground. So long as he kept Heero from thinking about what was in the brown paper bag he clutched, Duo was safe.  
  
"I came to determine just what in the hell was going on," Heero said, "and when I found myself," he nodded at the figure, "I decided to remove the threat to my security."  
  
Duo rolled his eyes. "As if you even look remotely like you did when you were sixteen," he said, his eyes travelling to Heero's decidedly flat stomach. A spike of jealousy hit Duo...in the gut. Perhaps it might be better if he did give up Hilde's desserts for just a short time.  
  
"What is your mission? Who sent you?" Heero, having disclosed his own reasons, seemed determined to find out Duo's purpose in being there.  
  
Duo's eyes widened like those of a rabbit in a spotlight. His eyes travelled to the figure of Relena, still standing still and calm amongst the chaos that was Heero and Duo.and Heero and Duo. Heero, following Duo's eyes frowned.  
  
"You cannot be serious," he said, his voice muted with shock, "Relena didn't send you to dress her in those!" he peeked back into the bag at the black lace garments, visibly swallowing.  
  
The image of Relena ordering him to dress her up in sexy underwear was too much for Duo and he burst into laughter. She had blushed for hours after her comment about wishing to have sex with Heero. The thought of her thrusting her lace underwear into Duo's hands and ordering her to dress her up was too ludicrous for words. Heero, however, wasn't seeing the funny side of it. He remained glaring at Duo, his fist clenching the paper bag until his fingers ripped the stiff paper.  
  
Duo swallowed. It was time to come clean.  
  
"It was my own mission," he said, his face serious.  
  
"Objective?" Heero demanded.  
  
"To feed information to an agent," Duo responded.  
  
"Target?" Heero was sounding less sure of himself.  
  
"Pilot 01," Duo replied, "A particularly dense operative when it comes to the fairer sex. Relena wants you and its high time that you saw her not as an employer but as a beautiful and desirable woman."  
  
Heero growled, his eyes narrowing further, "I do not need these," he shook the bag, "to find Relena desirable."  
  
"Then why in the hell don't you do something about it!" Duo shook his head in disgust, "She has been waiting patiently for years now. Hell, by the way she turns down other men I thought that you two were already an item. But, according to Relena, you want nothing to do with her."  
  
Heero lowered his eyes, "That's not true. I....I'm...just not good at expressing my emotions to her."  
  
Duo's eyes brightened.  
  
"Ah! So there is hope!" he said, his mouth pulling into a satisfied grin.  
  
"Maxwell, its none of your business. I will do things in my own time; I don't need or want your help." Heero was again glaring at Duo.  
  
Duo raised his hands. "Ok, if that's the way you want it," he said, "But one last bit of advice; don't wait to long. She has been extremely patient up to now, God knows if she will wait much longer."  
  
"Noted," Heero nodded.  
  
"Well, that's settled then," Duo bent to pick up the torch he had left on the floor, then made to take the paper bag containing the underwear from Heero's hands. Heero pulled it back, holding onto it firmly and Duo raised an eyebrow.  
  
"You sly dog! Guess you have a hankering to see the Minister in black lace too!" he grinned.  
  
Heero's brows drew together.  
  
"Too?" he grated between clenched teeth.  
  
And Duo, with his fine sense of self-preservation, beat a very rapid retreat.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
"Excited?"  
  
The exhibition hall of Tussauds was crowded with members of the press, dignitaries and specially invited guests all keen to see the unveiling of the latest waxwork exhibit: Relena Dorlian, Queen of the World. Together, of course, with the mysterious gundam pilots who had helped to change the course of history. The figures were shielded from the public with a floor to ceiling curtain that billowed slightly with the rooms air-conditioning.  
  
Relena stood flanked by Duo and Hilde who were her guard duty for the day. Her eyes sparkled as she nodded to the people who surrounded her and she smiled for the cameras of the press that were keen to pick up on her every reaction. She tilted her head to one side, keeping the smile on her face and her eyes on the camera's  
  
"Yes Duo, I'm very excited," she murmured, "You?"  
  
*Not as excited as I would have been if my mission hadn't been interrupted* he thought.  
  
"Absolutely," he grinned, "Can't wait for the unveiling."  
  
"Have you seen Heero?" Relena asked, looking around at the sea of faces that surrounded her.  
  
Duo looked at Hilde, who shrugged. "No, haven't seen him this morning Princess, but he is bound to be about. Somewhere." Duo frowned; he had hoped that Heero would have high tailed it over to Relena's place last night, black lace and all, after their little chat last night. Perhaps he would have to have another word with the perfect soldier a little later on and just try and get it through his thick skull that he and Relena were destined for each other.  
  
A member of Tussauds staff coughed to get the crowds attention, and all eyes swung to the curtain.  
  
"I'm not one for speeches," she said, smiling at the titters of relieved laughter that came from the crowd, "so I wont keep you from seeing what you have all come here to witness. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the latest exhibit at Madame Tussauds," she pulled a silken cord and the curtain fell to the ground revealing the wax works behind.  
  
"Oh my..!" Relena breathed as she took in the figures in front of her, her eyes widening in delight and surprise.  
  
Duo's eyes widened too, and then he grinned. The figure of Relena was standing where he had seen it the night before, but now behind it and embracing her with two wax arms was the figure of Pilot 01. His head was bent low to hers so that his cheek pressed against her cheek. It was a protective posture, loving and almost possessive.  
  
"Oh my!" Relena breathed again, and Duo turned to see that Heero had silently approached them and had wound his arms around her, pulling her back to his chest, a reflection of the waxworks in front of them. His head bent down to hers and he nuzzled her cheek. Relena's hands came up to his, holding on to him as she closed her eyes, a tear of happiness sliding down her check.  
  
"Oh my..!" Hilde murmured, and Duo grinned, his eyes still on the couple beside him. Hilde was obviously stunned by Heero's physical declaration of love for Relena and he knew that it would put her in a romantic mood; something he could capitalise on later that evening. A stabbing pain in the back of his head from his braid being pulled hard brought him up sharply from his anticipation of the night ahead.  
  
"Just why in hell are you wearing my corset?" Hilde hissed, as she gave his hair another pull, her eyes wide with shock.  
  
Duo looked down at his preventer uniform. Wearing her corset? He suddenly felt cold realisation flood through him and he turned his eyes to the waxworks in front of him. He had been so distracted with how Heero had posed his and Relena's figures he hadn't even bothered to look at his own. But now the laughter of the guests reached his ears, together with the shocked faces of Tussauds staff and the flashes of cameras. Look up, he knew what he would see.  
  
His youthful figure had been striped of his Shinigami Suit and replaced with Hilde's corset, g-string and stockings. He cringed as he heard someone nearby comment that they hadn't realised that Pilot 02 had been a girl. Turning to Heero, he glared mentally promising to beat the crap out of him later. Heero in turn just smirked whilst Relena, also catching sight of Duo's waxwork clad only in underwear held a hand up to her mouth.  
  
"Oh my!" she said again, blushing a deep rose, "Duo, you really are an exhibitionist!"  
  
Duo's mouth opened and shut; surely the Princess didn't think that he had purposely dressed himself like that! Heero's smirk widened into a full grin, as he turned to lead Relena away to somewhere a little more private.  
  
Hilde shook her head, before squeezing Duo's arm in sympathy. Knowing him so well, she realised that a prank that he had attempted had apparently backfired. Rather badly. She stood on tiptoes, tilting her head back so that her lips reached his now very red ear.  
  
"Actually, I think you look better in them than I ever did," she said, unable to hold back the laughter in her voice, before giving him a gentle kiss, "Maybe you could dress up for me like that later when we get home."  
  
Duo flushing even more furiously could only hope that she was kidding.  
  
End 


End file.
